After the Wedding

After the Wedding

At a recent wedding I was able to deliver a message to the bride and groom of eternal significance, not only to the subject of marriage, but also to every relationship we encounter along the path of life itself. Here it is:

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.                        (1 Corinthians 13:13 – NASB)

Everyone agrees that love is the greatest and that it is the secret to the mystery of life.

A classic song from the past expresses it this way:

Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life
At last, I’ve found you.
Ah! At last I know the secret of it all.
For the longing, seeking, striving, waiting, yearning,
The burning hopes,
The joy and idle tears that fall.

For ’tis love and love alone,
The world is seeking.
And ’tis love and love alone,
That can repay.
‘Tis the answer, ’tis the end and all of living,
For it is love alone that rules for ever more.

The thing is, while everyone seems to agree love is the answer, no one seems to know exactly how to put this love into motion; very few people, except our Lord, seem to know how to make it work in everyday life, and in marriage in particular.

To the wise among us it is a day-by-day learning experience that it takes a lot of prayer, commitment, and personal sacrifice to achieve.

What I am sharing with you is a blend of what I have learned from Scripture, and the nitty-gritty world of personal experience. I am going to use the word “LOVE” to launch each of the points I want to impress upon you.

First, the letter “L” stands for:

LISTEN

You have to learn to listen to each other, and I don’t mean listening always has to do with words.

Sometimes, the husband you will find himself thinking, I wish she would just tell me what the problem is. Then I could actually start dealing with it, but she just clams up and expects me to guess what the matter is.

Meanwhile she will be thinking: If he was sensitive to my needs, I wouldn’t have to tell him what is wrong. If he truly loved me he would have been able to read the signs and the hints I have been giving him for over a week. I’m not going to tell him if he is going to be that insensitive.

The truth is you have to learn to listen with your heart; you will be able to read each other’s expressions and body language. Your determination to love one another will enable you to detect your partner’s unstated needs. Of course there are times you will have to talk; you will have to communicate with each other to resolve issues before they build into something too big to deal with.  It is not however, all bout talking; it is also about trying to understand the sensitivities, weaknesses, strengths and vulnerabilities of your partner.

The Letter “O” stands for

OWING

In other words you need to recognize the debt you owe to each other.

You will always be in debt to each other and to the Lord.

What you owe to your wife is what the apostle Paul declared in his letter to the Ephesians:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶ so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27 – NASB)

As a wife you will always owe love and respect to your husband. He will not always measure up, and at times you will think he does not deserve it. As your husband, however, he deserves to be respected as the man God brought into your life, and as the man you prayed for so long for God to give you.

As a husband you owe your wife tenderness, and a sensitivity to her needs.

In a broader sense, we are are all debt to every member of the human family. As followers of Christ we owe the Gospel to every person we encounter, as the apostle Paul declared to the Romans:

I am debtor both to the Greeks, and to the Barbarians; both to the wise, and to the unwise. ¹⁵ So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also.              (Romans 1:14-15 – AKJV)

Third, the letter “V” stands for:

VALUE

Each of you is of such great value to God, Christ was willing to give His life for you.

A Van Gough painting once sold for $40 million pounds. I would not pay ten cents for one of his paintings. The point is, what is the value of anything? People and things are worth what someone is willing to pay for them.

Each of you is worth so much to God, He was willing to pay the life of His own Son for you. If you hurt your wife in any way you are in reality hurting the heart of God; and every act of love you bestow upon her, you are bestowing an act of love upon God Himself.

Your husband is worth so much to God, He was willing to pay the life of His own Son for him. If you, as his wife, hurt him in any way you are in reality hurting the heart of God; and every act of love you bestow upon him, you are bestowing an act of love upon God Himself.

Finally, the Letter “E” stands for

EXPECTATION

Your expectations of each other have to be realistic.

As a wife, you cannot expect your husband to fulfil all your needs and desires. He will be able to fulfil some of them, but not all of them. Only Christ can do that. The same goes for you, as a husband God created marriage, and many of your needs and desires will be met in each other, but not all of them.

If you are coming into this marriage expecting your partner to satisfy all your needs, you will be disappointed.

If, however, you are entering this unions already satisfied in Christ, and can say, “All my expectations are in Him,” you are in for a wonderful life together.

The Practice of Love

© Monday 11th January 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.                        (1 Corinthians 13:13 – NASB)

We all know love is the answer

To all of the problems of life;

Few know the secret to make it

Work well between husband and wife.

When the glow of first love passes.

And the daily grind has arrived,

Few know how to stir love’s passion,

Or make their relationship thrive.

They think it’s all about feelings,

That change like the waves of the sea,

But it’s more about making decisions:

Thinking more about “you” than “me.”

It’s about caring for her needs;

About offering him due praise –

About recognizing value –

Knowing that tenderness still pays.

The feelings? They will surely come

After the decisions are made;

After the selfless giving, and

After the sacrifice is laid.

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Ah Two Weddings by Susan Murtaugh. Copyright. Used under the CC BY ND 2.0 license: please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. No changes were made to this photograph, except for downloading the photo in a size that was possibly different than the original photo.