Great Expectations #2

Great Expectations #2

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself [being] the Savior of the body. ²⁴ But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:23-24 – NASB)

Let me without delay declare what this passage does not mean:

It does not mean the husband is the boss of the wife, and it does not mean the wife is the slave of the husband. It does not mean the wife is to always be at the beck and call of her husband and attend to his every need regardless of her own needs and desires.

To their shame Christian men of the past have subscribed to some form of this perverted interpretation of the marriage bond. Even in its mildest form this attitude is not only destructive to marriages in general, but a parody of what God intended for marriages to be.

You may think I am ranting about this, but the mere thought of a husband treating his wife in such a manner stirs up feelings of disgust and abhorrence, and a desire to set the record straight.

So, what when the apostle urged wives to be subject to their husbands, declaring husbands to be the head of the wife?

What is the relationship of your head to your body?

Your head, with its capacity to reason and make decisions has the responsibility of looking after your body, not abuse it. If you are not mentally deranged, your head bestows tender care over your body. You nurture and care for it. Sure you want your body to be subject to your commands, but only for its own good.

Being human we do not always treat our bodies in the best way in terms of what we eat and drink, and the things we subject it to. In general, however, we treat our bodies with respect so it can function in the best way possible. Our head, our reason, teaches us to care for our bodies, and not subject it to unreasonable stress or damaging circumstances.

We do not stab our bodies with a knife, beat it with a stick, or put it at risk to disease and danger. You are not the boss of your body, but its care-giver, its nurturer and champion for its good. If your hurt your body, you hurt yourself.

Such is the meaning of a husband being the head of his wife. He is dedicated to her, tender toward her, solicitous toward her, concerned for her needs, and in all ways treats her with respect, and appreciation for who she is.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself [being] the Savior of the body.

Ask yourself how Christ treats the church, and then treat your wife in the same way.” Christ gave Himself for the church. A husband’s relationship must be a self-giving, not a self-serving one.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything.

Ask yourself how the church is subject to Christ? The church is subject to Christ in the simple knowledge that He loves her. Every true follower of Christ desires to be obedient to Christ in the firm knowledge of His love for him or her. A wife who knows her husband loves her will not find it difficult to be in subjection to him. She will know that everything he asks of her will be motivated by a desire to bless her and care for her.

My father gave me instruction upon this matter from the time I was no more than seven or eight years old. He said:

Christopher, Women are God’s special gift from God to us men, and it is our responsibility to love them, care for them, respect them and protect them.”

I remember only two occasions on which my father was really angry with me, and when he disciplined me severely. On both occasions it was when I had disrespected my mother. My father knew how to love his wife – my mother.

Loving Your Wife

(© Wednesday 2^nd March 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

I always take care of my body’s needs,

So a husband should take care of his wife;

He’ll always be careful the way he leads,

And give of himself to enhance her life.

He does not consider his wife a slave,

Or one he considers of lesser worth;

He sees her more as a treasure God gave,

And as a great blessing here upon earth.

A self-giving love resides in his heart,

A reflection of the love God’s given;

He gives of himself in whole, not part,

Well aware it has come down from Heaven.

Don’t think of your wife as chattel or slave;

She’s a treasure till you go to the grave.

Please Visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

A groom placing a wedding ring on the finger of his bride during a wedding ceremony by Petar Milošević. Copyright. Used under theCC BY-SA 4.0 license; please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. We have made no changes to this photo, except a possible sizing change.

 

Great Expectations #1

Man holds his head down in sadness

Great Expectations

One sure way to kill your marriage is to enter into it with unrealistic expectations.

Pastor Larry Shantz of Bethany Community Church deserves credit for pointing out the five unrealistic expectations men and woman often enter into marriage with:

Expectation #1

“Once I am married I will live happily ever after.”

The truth is God has designed marriage to provide a great deal of happiness and deep fulfilment, but it does not come without fulfilling the laws of unconditional love toward your partner, and sacrifice  for them

Expectation #2

“Once I am married all my needs will be met by my partner.”

Only one Person can fulfill all your needs, physical, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and that is Jesus Christ. No one else can even begin meet that expectation. To expect another human being to carry that load is not only unrealistic – it is cruel.

Expectation #3

“Once I am married my partner will meet all my needs for sexual fulfilment.”

The capacity of any individual to meet the sexual needs of his or her partner is a variable. We are not all the same, and our sexual drives may fluctuate with circumstances, and with age. The “rule-of-thumb” in the area of sexual fulfilment, is to put a priority on satisfying your partner before you think of your own satisfaction. This applies to both wives and husbands, but I think the greater responsibility belongs to the husband to care for his wife’s needs before he cares for his own.

Expectation #4

“Once I am married I will be able to change my partner into the person I want him or her to be.”

Not only is this a bad policy, but it is tantamount to putting yourself in the place of God. If real changes are necessary in your partner give attention to two things. First, ask God to reveal to you if some changes need to be made in your own life. Sometimes your own behaviour is blocking you partner’s willingness to make changes in theirs.

Second:  Resort to prayer, asking God to make changes in your partner’s life according His will, and according to His purpose. Trying to change your husband or wife in any other way may sound the death-knell of your marriage.

 

Expectation #5

“Once I am married most of my problems will be solved.”

The reality is that you’re your problems are sure to increase, for you will now have to deal with your partner’s problems as well as your own. When children arrive, the potential for more problems multiply.

Now I am aware that does not sound like a positive outlook for anyone considering marriage, but the blessings of a good marriage far outweighs any of the struggles that are part of the marriage bond. If you follow the biblical guidelines for a good marriage, the benefits and blessings will be more than can be counted.

Before you get married, and after you are married, you ought to fully comprehend what the apost Paul meant when he declared:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself [being] the Savior of the body. ²⁴ But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶ so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.²⁸ So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself…                   (Ephesians 5:22-28 – NASB)

In my next treatment of this subject I will the meaning and context of this passage, and how its principles can lead to a full, satisfying and happy marriage. Till then consider the attitude husband should display toward their wives in the following poem:

If I Loved You

(© Thursday 18^th February 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

I do not expect you, my love,

To meet all my needs and desires;

To satisfy ev’ry longing,

Or always to light all my fires.

 

I don’t even ask that you love me,

But only to let me love you;

The love I offer will nurture,

Will give strength to just follow through.

 

I know if I love you truly,

Your love will be nurtured and grow;

God will bestow all His blessings –

More than you can think – or can know.

 

I pledge to put all your needs, love,

Above all the needs that I own;

I may not be equal to all –

The rest I will bring to God’s throne.

Pleas visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

Sad Man by Abd allah Foteih. Copyright. Used under the CC BY-SA 2.0 license; please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. We have made

After the Wedding

After the Wedding

At a recent wedding I was able to deliver a message to the bride and groom of eternal significance, not only to the subject of marriage, but also to every relationship we encounter along the path of life itself. Here it is:

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.                        (1 Corinthians 13:13 – NASB)

Everyone agrees that love is the greatest and that it is the secret to the mystery of life.

A classic song from the past expresses it this way:

Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life
At last, I’ve found you.
Ah! At last I know the secret of it all.
For the longing, seeking, striving, waiting, yearning,
The burning hopes,
The joy and idle tears that fall.

For ’tis love and love alone,
The world is seeking.
And ’tis love and love alone,
That can repay.
‘Tis the answer, ’tis the end and all of living,
For it is love alone that rules for ever more.

The thing is, while everyone seems to agree love is the answer, no one seems to know exactly how to put this love into motion; very few people, except our Lord, seem to know how to make it work in everyday life, and in marriage in particular.

To the wise among us it is a day-by-day learning experience that it takes a lot of prayer, commitment, and personal sacrifice to achieve.

What I am sharing with you is a blend of what I have learned from Scripture, and the nitty-gritty world of personal experience. I am going to use the word “LOVE” to launch each of the points I want to impress upon you.

First, the letter “L” stands for:

LISTEN

You have to learn to listen to each other, and I don’t mean listening always has to do with words.

Sometimes, the husband you will find himself thinking, I wish she would just tell me what the problem is. Then I could actually start dealing with it, but she just clams up and expects me to guess what the matter is.

Meanwhile she will be thinking: If he was sensitive to my needs, I wouldn’t have to tell him what is wrong. If he truly loved me he would have been able to read the signs and the hints I have been giving him for over a week. I’m not going to tell him if he is going to be that insensitive.

The truth is you have to learn to listen with your heart; you will be able to read each other’s expressions and body language. Your determination to love one another will enable you to detect your partner’s unstated needs. Of course there are times you will have to talk; you will have to communicate with each other to resolve issues before they build into something too big to deal with.  It is not however, all bout talking; it is also about trying to understand the sensitivities, weaknesses, strengths and vulnerabilities of your partner.

The Letter “O” stands for

OWING

In other words you need to recognize the debt you owe to each other.

You will always be in debt to each other and to the Lord.

What you owe to your wife is what the apostle Paul declared in his letter to the Ephesians:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶ so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27 – NASB)

As a wife you will always owe love and respect to your husband. He will not always measure up, and at times you will think he does not deserve it. As your husband, however, he deserves to be respected as the man God brought into your life, and as the man you prayed for so long for God to give you.

As a husband you owe your wife tenderness, and a sensitivity to her needs.

In a broader sense, we are are all debt to every member of the human family. As followers of Christ we owe the Gospel to every person we encounter, as the apostle Paul declared to the Romans:

I am debtor both to the Greeks, and to the Barbarians; both to the wise, and to the unwise. ¹⁵ So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also.              (Romans 1:14-15 – AKJV)

Third, the letter “V” stands for:

VALUE

Each of you is of such great value to God, Christ was willing to give His life for you.

A Van Gough painting once sold for $40 million pounds. I would not pay ten cents for one of his paintings. The point is, what is the value of anything? People and things are worth what someone is willing to pay for them.

Each of you is worth so much to God, He was willing to pay the life of His own Son for you. If you hurt your wife in any way you are in reality hurting the heart of God; and every act of love you bestow upon her, you are bestowing an act of love upon God Himself.

Your husband is worth so much to God, He was willing to pay the life of His own Son for him. If you, as his wife, hurt him in any way you are in reality hurting the heart of God; and every act of love you bestow upon him, you are bestowing an act of love upon God Himself.

Finally, the Letter “E” stands for

EXPECTATION

Your expectations of each other have to be realistic.

As a wife, you cannot expect your husband to fulfil all your needs and desires. He will be able to fulfil some of them, but not all of them. Only Christ can do that. The same goes for you, as a husband God created marriage, and many of your needs and desires will be met in each other, but not all of them.

If you are coming into this marriage expecting your partner to satisfy all your needs, you will be disappointed.

If, however, you are entering this unions already satisfied in Christ, and can say, “All my expectations are in Him,” you are in for a wonderful life together.

The Practice of Love

© Monday 11th January 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.                        (1 Corinthians 13:13 – NASB)

We all know love is the answer

To all of the problems of life;

Few know the secret to make it

Work well between husband and wife.

When the glow of first love passes.

And the daily grind has arrived,

Few know how to stir love’s passion,

Or make their relationship thrive.

They think it’s all about feelings,

That change like the waves of the sea,

But it’s more about making decisions:

Thinking more about “you” than “me.”

It’s about caring for her needs;

About offering him due praise –

About recognizing value –

Knowing that tenderness still pays.

The feelings? They will surely come

After the decisions are made;

After the selfless giving, and

After the sacrifice is laid.

Please visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

Ah Two Weddings by Susan Murtaugh. Copyright. Used under the CC BY ND 2.0 license: please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. No changes were made to this photograph, except for downloading the photo in a size that was possibly different than the original photo.

The Incredible Privilege of BEING LOVED by a Woman

Affectionate old couple with the wife holding on lovingly to the husband’s face. Focus on the husband’s eyes. Concept: Elderly love.

The Incredible Privilege of BEING LOVED by a Woman

You may have heard someone of a couple they know, “Those two are just made for each other.” Or a man says to the woman he loves, “We were just made for each other.”

You may scoff at such an idea as fantasy, but don’t laugh too loud. What they say just may be the truth. It certainly fits the patter the apostle Paul declared was God’s plan for men and women, and was intended as a picture of Christ’s union with His church.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32 – NASB)

It was certainly true of Adam that Eve was made for Him, and I believe Godly men and women can find the spouse made for them. With prayer, and reliance upon God’s guidance, we can all find the one God intends us to love and cherish.

There is, however, one consideration we must not forget. Our situation is somewhat different from that of Adam. When God made Eve for Adam sin had not yet entered the world.

Once we have found the man or woman “made” for us, we have an obligation to follow the pattern of love God has laid out for us in the Scriptures.

A husband must bear the larger share of what it takes to have a happy marriage. If a husband will do what the following scripture’s asks, there is no telling what rewards he will reap in terms of a happy marriage and a loving wife.

If a man thinks he can treat his wife as anything less that God’s gift to him and still have a happy marriage, he is sadly deceived. A husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church is almost guaranteed to have that love returned in double measure.

God has given women a unique brand of tenderness to bestow on the man she loves, but it needs to be drawn out by the love and understanding of that same man.

A Woman’s Love

(© 19^th September 2015 – by Christopher Shennan)

Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can the floods drown it:
if a man would give all the substance of his house for love,
it would utterly be contemned. (Song of Solomon 8:7 – AJKV)

The love a woman has to give

To the man who truly loves her,

Cannot be told by human art;

It is something God has shown her.

It’s hidden deep within her breast,

In a secret place of learning;

If triggered by a true man’s love,

It will burst forth bright and burning.

The only thing to hold it down,

And prevent this love’s appearing.

Is one who does not know her worth,

And ignores her inward yearning.

A woman’s love must be nurtured;

It does not grow among the weeds.

It flourishes with tenderness,

And on a true man’s love it feeds.

Please visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

Old Couple In Love by Ian MacKenzie. Copyright. Used under the CC BY 2.0 license; please note the Disclaimer at this site. We made no changes to this photograph.

The Incredible Privilege of LOVING a Woman

The Incredible Privilege of LOVING a Woman

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… (Ephesians 5:25 – NASB)

The implications of claiming to be a follower of Christ are numberless, not least of which has to do with the marriage bond. A man who does on love his wife cannot, at the same time, claim to be a follower of Christ.

How much we love our wives is measured, by how much we are loving our wives (see verses 26-32).

If we consider it a privilege to follow Christ, we should consider it an equal privilege to love our wives.

It is a privilege to love our wives SELFLESSLY

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church…

We are to love our wives just as (in the same manner as) Christ loved the church. How was that? He loved the church selflessly, and deliberately:

No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father.” (John 10:18 – NASB)

Loving our wives is not always based on feelings of love, but on a deliberate choice to override our own selfish desires in order to bestow a blessing on the one God has given us as our life partner.

It is a privilege to love our wives SACRIFICIALLY

…and gave Himself up for her…

In other words, Christ gave up His life for the church; He died for her. To love our wives as Christ loved the church means we have to consider them more valuable than our own life be willing to die for them. This kind of spouse-loving is only possible if, in following Christ we have already surrendered our lives to Him; once we have, sacrificing our lives for our wives  will result as a natural (or supernatural) consequence.

It is a privilege to love our wives TENDERLY

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself… (Ephesians 5:28 – NASB)

Consider how we treat our own bodies. It is only a mentally ill individual who would deliberately harm his own body. Men who harm their wives, either in word or deed, are spiritually and emotionally sick.

Tenderness toward our wives, no matter what conflict and struggles they are passing through, will reap rich rewards, and is the only reasonable behaviour in light of the forgiveness and mercy Christ has given us.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32 – NASB)

It is a privilege to love our wives INTIMATELY

 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31 – NASB)

Intimacy in marriage is according to God’s plan, but it is not primarily for the husband’s satisfaction. A real man will attend to his wife’s needs first, and then to his own. A large measure of his own satisfaction will be derived from knowing he has fulfilled his wife’s desires.  There is a sad history of men failing in this area of the marriage bond – and out of it.  A husband, however, who is a Christ follower will put his wife’s needs above his own.

Loving my wife

(© 17^th September 2015 – by Christopher Shennan)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… (Ephesians 5:25 – NASB)

God gave me a woman to love as He

Has loved this poor, lost soul, of mine;

Sent her to me to nurture and care for –

With the gift of His love divine.

I am very conscious of the privilege,

He’s given in singling her out;

She is the one He has called me to love,

And that I don’t question about.

God wants me to love her more than myself,

In the way that He first loved me;

In the way that He was willing to die,

To deliver and set me free.

So, this is my calling; this is my quest:

To bestow all my love and care

On the woman God has given me –

And I tell you my friend – I dare.

Please visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

Image by Liz McVoy. Used under the CC0 1.0 license.