Great Expectations #1

Man holds his head down in sadness

Great Expectations

One sure way to kill your marriage is to enter into it with unrealistic expectations.

Pastor Larry Shantz of Bethany Community Church deserves credit for pointing out the five unrealistic expectations men and woman often enter into marriage with:

Expectation #1

“Once I am married I will live happily ever after.”

The truth is God has designed marriage to provide a great deal of happiness and deep fulfilment, but it does not come without fulfilling the laws of unconditional love toward your partner, and sacrifice for them

Expectation #2

“Once I am married all my needs will be met by my partner.”

Only one Person can fulfill all your needs, physical, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and that is Jesus Christ. No one else can even begin meet that expectation. To expect another human being to carry that load is not only unrealistic – it is cruel.

Expectation #3

“Once I am married my partner will meet all my needs for sexual fulfilment.”

The capacity of any individual to meet the sexual needs of his or her partner is a variable. We are not all the same, and our sexual drives may fluctuate with circumstances, and with age. The “rule-of-thumb” in the area of sexual fulfilment, is to put a priority on satisfying your partner before you think of your own satisfaction. This applies to both wives and husbands, but I think the greater responsibility belongs to the husband to care for his wife’s needs before he cares for his own.

Expectation #4

“Once I am married I will be able to change my partner into the person I want him or her to be.”

Not only is this a bad policy, but it is tantamount to putting yourself in the place of God. If real changes are necessary in your partner give attention to two things. First, ask God to reveal to you if some changes need to be made in your own life. Sometimes your own behaviour is blocking you partner’s willingness to make changes in theirs.

Second: Resort to prayer, asking God to make changes in your partner’s life according His will, and according to His purpose. Trying to change your husband or wife in any other way may sound the death-knell of your marriage.

Expectation #5

“Once I am married most of my problems will be solved.”

The reality is that you’re your problems are sure to increase, for you will now have to deal with your partner’s problems as well as your own. When children arrive, the potential for more problems multiply.

Now I am aware that does not sound like a positive outlook for anyone considering marriage, but the blessings of a good marriage far outweighs any of the struggles that are part of the marriage bond. If you follow the biblical guidelines for a good marriage, the benefits and blessings will be more than can be counted.

Before you get married, and after you are married, you ought to fully comprehend what the apost Paul meant when he declared:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself [being] the Savior of the body. ²⁴But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.²⁸So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself… (Ephesians 5:22-28 – NASB)

In my next treatment of this subject I will the meaning and context of this passage, and how its principles can lead to a full, satisfying and happy marriage. Till then consider the attitude husband should display toward their wives in the following poem:

If I Loved You

(© Thursday 18^th February 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

I do not expect you, my love,

To meet all my needs and desires;

To satisfy ev’ry longing,

Or always to light all my fires.

I don’t even ask that you love me,

But only to let me love you;

The love I offer will nurture,

Will give strength to just follow through.

I know if I love you truly,

Your love will be nurtured and grow;

God will bestow all His blessings –

More than you can think – or can know.

I pledge to put all your needs, love,

Above all the needs that I own;

I may not be equal to all –

The rest I will bring to God’s throne.

Pleas visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

Sad Man by Abd allah Foteih. Copyright. Used under the CC BY-SA 2.0 license; please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. We have made

Waiting for Love

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Waiting for Love

“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.” – Karen Salmansohn

Sandy Hotson who found her “guy” and married him at age 37) responded to the above post on Facebook in the following way:

“Yes! Ladies, and men, this is partly why it is so important to wait for the right person no matter how difficult being single might be. I am SO thankful I waited 16 long and sometimes difficult years. I knew that waiting on God would be worth it but He has blessed me more than what I had imagined. Even at my worst and ugliest, I am treated like royalty”

For all of those sixteen years I was Sandy’s friend and councilor, and for three years the friend and councilor of the “guy” she finally found and married.

One day, visiting with her and my daughter at a coffee shop, I said to her, “Sandy, God has answered so many of your prayers.”

Looking back at me, and in a plaintive voice, she said, “All except one.”

I replied, “Sandy, you will be amazed how quickly God answers that prayer.”

Now this is the amazing part: The very next day Sandy met the man God had chosen for her, and I was privileged, several months later to conduct the wedding ceremony.

Some may ask, “Why did Sandy have to wait so long? Why could God not have answered her prayer long before that?

Because God knows, better than we do “when” answering our prayers will most bless us, and what will most bring glory to His name:

O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable [are] his judgments, and his ways past finding out! (Romans 11:33 – AKJV)

I say to all single people this Valentine’s Day, who have been praying for a long time for God to bring His choice of a life mate into your lives: “Don’t despair.” His answer may come sooner than you think, or the delay might bring special sweetness to His answer. Whatever the future holds for you, it is in the hands of a God who loves you, and will ultimately bless you most.

Waiting for Love

(© Friday 5^th February 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

It is worth the wait for love to arrive,

Though the waiting may be filled with despair;

From God you will all your comfort derive –

Find the answer to your longings right there.

God knows your heart and special needs;

He knows all your deep longings too.

He’ll answer your prayers – they’re like seeds

That will grow into answers – to bless you

If you’re looking for love, patiently wait;

A mighty Oak doesn’t grow in a day.

God’s always on time; He’ll never be late;

All of your dreams at your feet He will lay.

Do not grow weary while waiting for love,

For in God’s time it will come from above.

Please visit My website: www.christophershennan.ca
My blog: https://christophershennan.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CNShennan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristopherShennanAuthor

Juliet by Philip H. Calderon. This image is in the public domain.

After the Wedding

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After the Wedding

At a recent wedding I was able to deliver a message to the bride and groom of eternal significance, not only to the subject of marriage, but also to every relationship we encounter along the path of life itself. Here it is:

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 – NASB)

Everyone agrees that love is the greatest and that it is the secret to the mystery of life.

A classic song from the past expresses it this way:

Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life
At last, I’ve found you.
Ah! At last I know the secret of it all.
For the longing, seeking, striving, waiting, yearning,
The burning hopes,
The joy and idle tears that fall.

For ’tis love and love alone,
The world is seeking.
And ’tis love and love alone,
That can repay.
‘Tis the answer, ’tis the end and all of living,
For it is love alone that rules for ever more.

The thing is, while everyone seems to agree love is the answer, no one seems to know exactly how to put this love into motion; very few people, except our Lord, seem to know how to make it work in everyday life, and in marriage in particular.

To the wise among us it is a day-by-day learning experience that it takes a lot of prayer, commitment, and personal sacrifice to achieve.

What I am sharing with you is a blend of what I have learned from Scripture, and the nitty-gritty world of personal experience. I am going to use the word “LOVE” to launch each of the points I want to impress upon you.

First, the letter “L” stands for:

LISTEN

You have to learn to listen to each other, and I don’t mean listening always has to do with words.

Sometimes, the husband you will find himself thinking, I wish she would just tell me what the problem is. Then I could actually start dealing with it, but she just clams up and expects me to guess what the matter is.

Meanwhile she will be thinking: If he was sensitive to my needs, I wouldn’t have to tell him what is wrong. If he truly loved me he would have been able to read the signs and the hints I have been giving him for over a week. I’m not going to tell him if he is going to be that insensitive.

The truth is you have to learn to listen with your heart; you will be able to read each other’s expressions and body language. Your determination to love one another will enable you to detect your partner’s unstated needs. Of course there are times you will have to talk; you will have to communicate with each other to resolve issues before they build into something too big to deal with. It is not however, all bout talking; it is also about trying to understand the sensitivities, weaknesses, strengths and vulnerabilities of your partner.

The Letter “O” stands for

OWING

In other words you need to recognize the debt you owe to each other.

You will always be in debt to each other and to the Lord.

What you owe to your wife is what the apostle Paul declared in his letter to the Ephesians:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27 – NASB)

As a wife you will always owe love and respect to your husband. He will not always measure up, and at times you will think he does not deserve it. As your husband, however, he deserves to be respected as the man God brought into your life, and as the man you prayed for so long for God to give you.

As a husband you owe your wife tenderness, and a sensitivity to her needs.

In a broader sense, we are are all debt to every member of the human family. As followers of Christ we owe the Gospel to every person we encounter, as the apostle Paul declared to the Romans:

I am debtor both to the Greeks, and to the Barbarians; both to the wise, and to the unwise. ¹⁵So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also. (Romans 1:14-15 – AKJV)

Third, the letter “V” stands for:

VALUE

Each of you is of such great value to God, Christ was willing to give His life for you.

A Van Gough painting once sold for $40 million pounds. I would not pay ten cents for one of his paintings. The point is, what is the value of anything? People and things are worth what someone is willing to pay for them.

Each of you is worth so much to God, He was willing to pay the life of His own Son for you. If you hurt your wife in any way you are in reality hurting the heart of God; and every act of love you bestow upon her, you are bestowing an act of love upon God Himself.

Your husband is worth so much to God, He was willing to pay the life of His own Son for him. If you, as his wife, hurt him in any way you are in reality hurting the heart of God; and every act of love you bestow upon him, you are bestowing an act of love upon God Himself.

Finally, the Letter “E” stands for

EXPECTATION

Your expectations of each other have to be realistic.

As a wife, you cannot expect your husband to fulfil all your needs and desires. He will be able to fulfil some of them, but not all of them. Only Christ can do that. The same goes for you, as a husband God created marriage, and many of your needs and desires will be met in each other, but not all of them.

If you are coming into this marriage expecting your partner to satisfy all your needs, you will be disappointed.

If, however, you are entering this unions already satisfied in Christ, and can say, “All my expectations are in Him,” you are in for a wonderful life together.

The Practice of Love

© Monday 11th January 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 – NASB)

We all know love is the answer

To all of the problems of life;

Few know the secret to make it

Work well between husband and wife.

When the glow of first love passes.

And the daily grind has arrived,

Few know how to stir love’s passion,

Or make their relationship thrive.

They think it’s all about feelings,

That change like the waves of the sea,

But it’s more about making decisions:

Thinking more about “you” than “me.”

It’s about caring for her needs;

About offering him due praise –

About recognizing value –

Knowing that tenderness still pays.

The feelings? They will surely come

After the decisions are made;

After the selfless giving, and

After the sacrifice is laid.

Ah Two Weddings by Susan Murtaugh. Copyright. Used under the CC BY ND 2.0 license: please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. No changes were made to this photograph, except for downloading the photo in a size that was possibly different than the original photo.

The Incredible Privilege of LOVING a Woman

The Incredible Privilege of LOVING a Woman

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… (Ephesians 5:25 – NASB)

The implications of claiming to be a follower of Christ are numberless, not least of which has to do with the marriage bond. A man who does on love his wife cannot, at the same time, claim to be a follower of Christ.

How much we love our wives is measured, by how much we are loving our wives (see verses 26-32).

If we consider it a privilege to follow Christ, we should consider it an equal privilege to love our wives.

It is a privilege to love our wives SELFLESSLY

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church…

We are to love our wives just as (in the same manner as) Christ loved the church. How was that? He loved the church selflessly, and deliberately:

No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father.” (John 10:18 – NASB)

Loving our wives is not always based on feelings of love, but on a deliberate choice to override our own selfish desires in order to bestow a blessing on the one God has given us as our life partner.

It is a privilege to love our wives SACRIFICIALLY

…and gave Himself up for her…

In other words, Christ gave up His life for the church; He died for her. To love our wives as Christ loved the church means we have to consider them more valuable than our own life be willing to die for them. This kind of spouse-loving is only possible if, in following Christ we have already surrendered our lives to Him; once we have, sacrificing our lives for our wives will result as a natural (or supernatural) consequence.

It is a privilege to love our wives TENDERLY

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself… (Ephesians 5:28 – NASB)

Consider how we treat our own bodies. It is only a mentally ill individual who would deliberately harm his own body. Men who harm their wives, either in word or deed, are spiritually and emotionally sick.

Tenderness toward our wives, no matter what conflict and struggles they are passing through, will reap rich rewards, and is the only reasonable behaviour in light of the forgiveness and mercy Christ has given us.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32 – NASB)

It is a privilege to love our wives INTIMATELY

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31 – NASB)

Intimacy in marriage is according to God’s plan, but it is not primarily for the husband’s satisfaction. A real man will attend to his wife’s needs first, and then to his own. A large measure of his own satisfaction will be derived from knowing he has fulfilled his wife’s desires. There is a sad history of men failing in this area of the marriage bond – and out of it. A husband, however, who is a Christ follower will put his wife’s needs above his own.

Loving my wife

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… (Ephesians 5:25 – NASB)

God gave me a woman to love as He

Has loved this poor, lost soul, of mine;

Sent her to me to nurture and care for –

With the gift of His love divine.

I am very conscious of the privilege,

He’s given in singling her out;

She is the one He has called me to love,

And that I don’t question about.

God wants me to love her more than myself,

In the way that He first loved me;

In the way that He was willing to die,

To deliver and set me free.

So, this is my calling; this is my quest:

To bestow all my love and care

On the woman God has given me –

And I tell you my friend – I dare.

Image by Liz McVoy. Used under the CC0 1.0 license.

A Significant Event

A Significant Event

When Jesus came to the place, He looked up and said to him, “Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house.” (Luke 19:5 – NASB)

There is really no such thing as a casual meeting with anyone; every time we meet someone it is a significant event.

Becoming a disciple, or follower, of Jesus, is a life-changing event – it is meant to filter down into every aspect of our lives.

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:20 – NASB)

Now I know hate is a strong word, but what would you call considering another person, for whom Christ died, of less worth than yourself? I think hate, as a definition, comes pretty close to the mark.

Devaluing another human being in any way raises the question as to whether our love for God is genuine or not. We need the Holy Spirit to adjust our vision so we see another human being automatically adjust. We see them as loved by God, and therefore objects of our own love as well. Once that happens every meeting with another human being will be a significant event. Our hearts will engage as well as our eyes.

Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. ⁹For this, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁰Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of [the] law. (Romans 13:8-10 – NASB)

Everyone is Special

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:20 – NASB)

Everyone we meet, is special;

Be he beggar or king, ‘tis true,

That God has sent him in that moment

To be a test for me – and you.

There are no accidents in life,

At least not of this shape and kind;

When I meet a man or woman –

It is a test of heart and mind.

When we meet a stranger, brother,

Sister, when we just shake his hand;

God has brought him to our notice

For a purpose both good and grand.

It may be to meet his dire need,

Or to learn a truth not yet learned;

It could be to make us humble,

Or to receive a rebuke you’ve earned.

There’s a purpose in every meeting,

That for sure has been God-ordained,

But you cannot know that purpose,

If by pride your heart’s been stained.

You have to be open-hearted

To each person you meet abroad;

You have to believe God loves them

As He tells in His Holy Word.

Never take for granted, my friend,

That some souls are of little worth;

For the price Christ paid to save them

Is enough to prove their true worth.

“Young Love at the Malt Shop” by Kevin Simpson from Goleta, USA – As the elderly disapprove. Uploaded by JohnnyMrNinja. Copyright. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons; please note the Disclaimer at this link. We have made no changes to this photograph.

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