Anje Wynands gave this testimony in our church recently. It was a touching and powerful testimony to God’s Grace, and to the loving support of God’s people.I am sure it will do the same for you as it did to us
I used to hate myself. I hated everything about me. I am a perfectionist who is so far from perfect. It makes me crazy when I can’t get it all right. And every time I looked at myself, I knew how far from perfect I was. And, I was getting further every moment.
One by one, I removed every mirror I could from my family’s home, because I did not want to see who I was. For more than a decade, I refused to have my picture taken. I hoped to erase all evidence of my own existence. I often felt that I wished that I could just start shrinking and never stop until I actually disappeared. It’s not that I didn’t believe all that I read about God’s grace and mercy. For everyone else. Just not me. Never me.
I was so sure of God’s love and mercy that I became involved in a group here at Bethany called Stephen Ministry. It’s a group of people who ooze compassion, grace and mercy. Normally, one Stephen Minister comes alongside one care receiver to listen to them as they work through a dark time in their life, be it the breakdown of their marriage, grief over a lost loved one, their own worsening health, whatever their darkness entails. But God has blessed me more than I can ever tell, because I am surrounded by all the Stephen Ministers at once and what a difference their light has been to my darkness. I think God knew that’s what it was going to take for me to change, that’s how dark I was on the inside.
At our Stephen Ministry meetings I have so often reminded the group of Hebrews 3:13: encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. And I have been so blessed that the Stephen Ministers have lived this out.
It wasn’t an immediate change. They loved me from the start, but it would take years of convincing. Over these years, they have spent endless hours listening to me tell about my imperfections. Miraculously they loved me anyway. They have believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. They trust me when I don’t trust myself. They build me up with words of encouragement and reassurance. When my mom died in Pennsylvania, they drove down there in a blizzard to comfort me. They loved me though I thought I was unloveable.
And then one day I finally believed it. Not just their love for me but God’s love for me too. God’s. Love. For. Me. I felt it for the first time. I will never forget that moment.
I wanted to share these pictures of me with you so you can see the difference it makes when you know someone loves you. Really loves you. Someone who doesn’t have to love you but chooses to out of the love God has put in their heart.
When I look at these pictures, I can’t help but smile. Not because of the physical changes, but the changes that I know happened on the inside. Now I know I’m still not perfect inside or out, but it’s okay. I am loved by God who is himself perfect and made me just the way he wanted.
Gems of Discovery - Nuggets of Truth 