Man holds his head down in sadness
Great Expectations
One sure way to kill your marriage is to enter into it with unrealistic expectations.
Pastor Larry Shantz of Bethany Community Church deserves credit for pointing out the five unrealistic expectations men and woman often enter into marriage with:
Expectation #1
“Once I am married I will live happily ever after.”
The truth is God has designed marriage to provide a great deal of happiness and deep fulfilment, but it does not come without fulfilling the laws of unconditional love toward your partner, and sacrifice for them
Expectation #2
“Once I am married all my needs will be met by my partner.”
Only one Person can fulfill all your needs, physical, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and that is Jesus Christ. No one else can even begin meet that expectation. To expect another human being to carry that load is not only unrealistic – it is cruel.
Expectation #3
“Once I am married my partner will meet all my needs for sexual fulfilment.”
The capacity of any individual to meet the sexual needs of his or her partner is a variable. We are not all the same, and our sexual drives may fluctuate with circumstances, and with age. The “rule-of-thumb” in the area of sexual fulfilment, is to put a priority on satisfying your partner before you think of your own satisfaction. This applies to both wives and husbands, but I think the greater responsibility belongs to the husband to care for his wife’s needs before he cares for his own.
Expectation #4
“Once I am married I will be able to change my partner into the person I want him or her to be.”
Not only is this a bad policy, but it is tantamount to putting yourself in the place of God. If real changes are necessary in your partner give attention to two things. First, ask God to reveal to you if some changes need to be made in your own life. Sometimes your own behaviour is blocking you partner’s willingness to make changes in theirs.
Second: Resort to prayer, asking God to make changes in your partner’s life according His will, and according to His purpose. Trying to change your husband or wife in any other way may sound the death-knell of your marriage.
Expectation #5
“Once I am married most of my problems will be solved.”
The reality is that you’re your problems are sure to increase, for you will now have to deal with your partner’s problems as well as your own. When children arrive, the potential for more problems multiply.
Now I am aware that does not sound like a positive outlook for anyone considering marriage, but the blessings of a good marriage far outweighs any of the struggles that are part of the marriage bond. If you follow the biblical guidelines for a good marriage, the benefits and blessings will be more than can be counted.
Before you get married, and after you are married, you ought to fully comprehend what the apost Paul meant when he declared:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself [being] the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself… (Ephesians 5:22-28 – NASB)
In my next treatment of this subject I will the meaning and context of this passage, and how its principles can lead to a full, satisfying and happy marriage. Till then consider the attitude husband should display toward their wives in the following poem:
If I Loved You
(© Thursday 18th February 2016 – by Christopher Shennan)
I do not expect you, my love,
To meet all my needs and desires;
To satisfy ev’ry longing,
Or always to light all my fires.
I don’t even ask that you love me,
But only to let me love you;
The love I offer will nurture,
Will give strength to just follow through.
I know if I love you truly,
Your love will be nurtured and grow;
God will bestow all His blessings –
More than you can think – or can know.
I pledge to put all your needs, love,
Above all the needs that I own;
I may not be equal to all –
The rest I will bring to God’s throne.
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Sad Man by Abd allah Foteih. Copyright. Used under the CC BY-SA 2.0 license; please note the Disclaimer at the previous link. We have made
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